One thing you need to know about me is that I try not to take life too seriously. Granted, I do take my work as a psychic medium very seriously. But, outside of work I tend to be a big goofball much of the time. I figure life is too short not to enjoy it. I love to laugh. I love to be silly. I love making funny faces and ridiculous noises for my two-year-old daughter. And, in the spirit of being silly, I thought I’d write a blog that has nothing to do with ghosts, psychic abilities, or communicating with the dead. This article is simply about strange and funny things that my wife Kenzie has said over the years. I’ve kept a little journal, and I always tell her these comments would sound very odd and funny if they were taken out of context. As you read these, you’ll just have to use your imagination to envision the situations that would have caused my wife to utter such weird sentences. Enjoy!

  1. “I just kicked a shirt because I felt like it.”
  2. “I don’t know the things that I know.”
  3. “Dreams are like brain movies.”
  4. “The wind is like the fart of the Earth.”
  5. “You’re not hummus dip. You’re a person.”
  6. “Even an Asian person thought I was Asian.”
  7. “It’s not a smell I’d like to smell very often.”
  8. “King Arthur eats carrots, Sky, and so should you.”
  9. “We should learn Muay Thai so I can Muay Thai your back.”
  10. “I can’t whistle with corn on the cobb lips.”
  11. “Legos are ruining my life.”
  12. “I’m not satisfied with the things I just ate. I feel like I need to eat a big hunk of Velveeta.”
  13. “The bumble bee . . . the gentle giant of the bee world.”
  14. “This guy online says I’ll be calmer and more loving if I don’t punch people.”
  15. “Get your dang beer breath off of me.”
  16. “Whenever food is not in my mouth, I’m hungry.”
  17. “Come rub my back with a breadstick.”
  18. “Buy me a chalupa with your hard-earned money.”
  19. “I wish Jesus would change his birthday to springtime.”

And, last but not least . . . drumroll please . . .

  1. “This warm pig feels so good on my aching uterus.”